Saturday, July 28, 2012

Frustrated



Goddammit Jake!! Keep it together now! Why are you acting like a fool?? You used to be a lot better than this!! Arghh I don't know what's gotten into me recently but I've been feeling this sick fucking annoying and miserable pain inside my Heart for a long long long time now and I don't really know why..hmm well probably because I've been facing huge problems that I never had before in my entire Life all at Once and right now, it's killing me slowly!! 

C'mon Jake..cool down please..so before this, every time I got a problem I usually solved it very smoothly and calmly coz' that's just the way I am and that's just the way I handle things around but Until now..Life just hit me in the freaking Face..I'm literally Losing my mind but I still got some sanity left..that helps me to chill for a moment..

Who am I really am? Who am I? Who is the Real me really is? Questions questions in my mind right now..which I can't find the right answers..Why? I don't know..What's gotten into me?? I don't know..Am I really losing my touch??? I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!!!!! I just wanna kick somebody in the head and stomp it down couple of times til I'm fully satisfied..and I think I know who's the cause of all this..YOU. Yeah..You..

I hated you so bad right now and I think that you're one of the most Unappreciated person I ever met..and right now, I get to bear all the burdens that You CAUSED!! Don't you know how much I'm suffering right now? Don't think that I couldn't change back to the Old me again..Who is the Old me you ask? The Old me likes to beat people up and screwing things around and walk away like he just don't care about the consequences that will happen..yeah that's the old me..I'm a bad guy..I didn't like who I was before but right now I just don't care..its you who caused all this and some day you will pay for what you did to me..

Thursday, May 31, 2012

The Holiday Conclusion

I'm not sure whether the title is right or wrong but it sure does sounds cool..Anyway, Assalamualaikum kawan2, today I'll be writing the conclusion of my extraordinary semester break holiday..

well, first of all since I got back home I found myself in a very moody mode because my X-Box 360 console was nowhere near to be found. It had been sent off to the gaming factory for some repairs and upgrades by my lil' brother..Oh well, at least I had my computer..to cut it short, I spent almost a month and a half living without playing my X-box 360..believe when I tell you that it sucks the hell out of me..I've been suffering out of boredom, u know..luckily I got my friends and families. Together we ventured on a wonderful journey through the holidays until' I didn't realize that my holiday was almost over..

First Activity: Menderu Waterfalls.


Sorry I couldn't get a better picture because it was raining and I'm just too lazy to snap pictures coz' I want to dive in the cool water and chill with my friends! Hahaha..But seriously, after a while as the rain starts pouring much heavier, It was starting to get much colder..but we kept on swimming around until one of us got out and head to shelter..It was freaking cold..but somehow quite enjoyable. So we got out of the water and dry ourselves and wait for the rain to stop and put out clothes on and went back home..The End.

Second Activity: Teluk Kalung Beach



Boy this one was a blast! We had a picnic over there and a little chicken barbeque for breakfast..but actually by the time we got there, it was already 12 O'clock in the afternoon so technically we had lunch just skip out breakfast..huhu but anyway, there I was watching my friends grilling the chicken and the others were enjoying themselves swimming at the beach..even I included. Haha I don't wanna miss the excitement so I decided to join them swimming..believe me that we had a blast! After the swim, all of us gathered and ate our lunch..I brought 10 Nasi Lemak bungkus for my friends and I so that we can ate it with the chicken that were just been grilled..It was stunningly delicious. So, after that we chill and had a little chat before we got up and pack ourselves and went back home..The End.

Third Activity: Fishing




This one took place at Pantai Marina near Kemaman..I didn't have any fishing set skills so I just sit at the back and took photos..haha it's quite fun just to watch my friends fishing but unfortunately we didn't caught enough fishes there so we decided to head to another fishing spot..



Now this is in Bukit Kuang where some of my friends lived there so it was very near..we sat there for almost 2 hours but again, luck was not on our side..we did not caught any fishes there..it was very disappointing but honestly I just don't care..I just like hanging out. Anyway, we eventually decided to bet on our last card which was to head straight to one of the most popular fishing spot around..




The Abandon Star Cruise Jety itself baby! There we saw a lot of people hanging around while fishing and we came to do the same also..we felt the cool breeze of the wind while chillin' out and it was fun..we also saw a group of fishes swimming nearby the jetty and the scenery was damn beautiful..the place was so calm and steady and it felt peace..Somehow, we were very unfortunately..for the third time we failed to catch any fishes that day..so we went back home in utterly depressed..but still, it was Fun.

Fourth Activity: Walimatul Urus




It was my cousin's wedding and we had this one prepared for like three straight days..Of course I helped them getting ready for all of this while taking some pictures as well..the wedding was so crowded and lots of happy folks around..it was hectic but harmony at the same time..nevertheless, the food was awesome! And I'm Glad to be part of the family to celebrate this wonderful occasion..

So there you have it guys..truth be told I had a lot of activities but I'm too lazy to post all of it..hehe so these 4 awesome activities will be just enough..My Holiday is fun..but I admit there are times that I regret living through some of the moments and somehow I wish I could turn back time to change it back to be perfect..but then again, nothing is perfect right..everyone makes mistakes and everyone lived through their lives eventually..the important thing is you forgive people..then you forget about the past mistakes..live life to the fullest as I should say..hehe Take Care people and may your holidays be Splendid also..

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Breaking The Rules

Dear Blog,

Over the past months, I broke one of the rules in life and now it's killing me slowly..let's just say that my Day light became my Night and my Night Time became my Day light..

I've been living this way for a long period now and I thought that it was cool..you know, cause' I thought I could use a little time for myself..it's peaceful and it clears my mind from any problem..then I got used to live like this till' now and believe me that it's taking it's toll..usually, I spent my time playing games and probably did some reading..other times, I just watched movies till' day light comes..last few weeks, when I got home from my campus, I was told that my game console was brought to repair in a shop and I could get it back two weeks from now..bugger..that still leaves me my computer so there's not much to worry about..but no..unfortunately, today my computer had broken down and causes a lot of problem which I can't used it at all..so I sent it to the workshop to get it fixed..damn..day by day without those two things, my life was simply hard to live for..I got bored of doing other things such as reading and watching movies..I have few friends over here in my hometown cause' most of them are still studying and won't be back here for a long time..

So what now? I'm losing my mind right now and I don't know what to do..I'm stuck here can't sleep at all in the night..when I tried to sleep early, eventually I'll be waking up again..my brain has already got used in sleeping in day light..it's hard for me to sleep at night again..Insomnia..that's something you won't wanna mess with..it kills you slowly..at one time, it got you thinking of things that you never thought you would be thinking of..sometimes about your life, relationship and families..

It's too late for me to turn back now..this is what I get by messing with Life's Rule.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

My Plans..My Determination.

There's a lot of things that has been Disturbing my mind..first, Money..second, plans for the holidays and third is relationship..

It's been a long time that I keep this freaking feeling inside me..there's a lot I gotta say but I'm not really sure where to start..well, my semester break is up and I'm gonna be sitting at home doing nothing for two months.......or maybe not. I'd probably go somewhere to do something and make new experience for myself..but I don't know what it is..since the day I got home, I've been living in a world of boredom and I planned to go and look for a job but I guess that'll have to wait because I'm too lazy..actually I do have something that I must do in this holiday and I gotta finish it as soon as possible..the problem is, I'm a little short of money..I gotta buy something for a friend and I still don't know what it is yet..plus, my parents' anniversary is coming up too so I gotta buy them a present too..I got the car to drive, I got the will to buy but I don't have enough money to buy them something..and it's too late for me to find work now for money..I gotta think of something..oh well, I'll come up with a solution eventually..right now I'm just blurrr..

I hate when it comes to relationship's aftermath..well, I got this problem with a good friend of mine and we started fighting and arguing about a certain topic that I didn't expected to be discussing with..cause' I don't know about it at all til' she told me the real thing and it's easy to say that I became the victim in this tragedy and my friend here, well we've known each other for a very long time and we've been looking out for each other ever since till the day that we started fighting..my friend was very angry at me cause' I let this happen and did not realize that I was being used by someone..Am I that blur? I don't know..but yeah, I know that my friend was just worried about me and I can't blame her for being angry at me..I deserve it for my stupidity..

But never once I thought that we would lost contact from each other for a long period of time..and then I got very worried cause I really can't lose this relationship..I wanted to see her to make things right again but I haven't got the chance yet..So I wait and wait till this very day and hope that my friend would still open her heart and forgive my mistake..I plan on visiting her soon just to tell her this:

" I really don't know what's going on with you right now but I really wish I could know cause you're my friend..and I want you to be completely honest with me..tell me what am I to you? Am I important as I think I am to you? Cause' you're sure as hell are damn important to me. We've been through together a lot and we have come this far together..I can't imagine what my life would be If I didn't had met you at all in my life cause you have been helping me get through many things in life and I thank God I did met you..is this fate? Is this chance? Who knows but I believe it is..whatever it is I apologize to you for making you mad, my friend and if I can go back time, I would change it all back to be better and make you smile everyday..you don't what it's like to be me..to feel so blessed to know a friend like you..very few people experience and have this kind of relationship in life and I am very grateful that I am one of them..My friend, I have lost so many things in life..just promise me that I won't lose you too..so please..can we turn this back to normal again? Remember that I'll be there when you need me..you just gotta tell me so that I could know..don't keep your problems to yourself..share it with me and I'll do what I can to help you get through life just like you helped mine..just so you know that this is my confession to you."

Yours Sincerely, Amir


"You Meant The World To Me"

Friday, February 24, 2012

The Story of my Life | My Childhood

Finally..after everything that has been said and done..my feelings has lead me to update a story..a story that involves a lot of people..this is..this is the STORY OF MY LIFE.

Name: AMIR AIMAN BIN MOHD HASHIM HASNI BIN ABDUL MALEK BIN HUSSEIN
Nickname: JAKE BLUR
Siblings: 3 [one little brother, ME, one older sister]

So I grew up in Kemaman, Terengganu. But before that, I've been living my life overseas which was in Glasgow, Scotland and Paris, France until I was about 4 years old..then I came back here with my family and started a life at Terengganu. My closest friend at that time is my sister which we played toys together..we played runaround together and lots of other fun stuff..my little brother is just a baby. I was very close to my parents as well and I would sleep with them every night and at that time..I was a GOOD Kid..

My childhood is like every other kids in the town. I was a very naughty kid and I got scold by my mother like 24 hours straight..up until I was about 10 years old, I started living with my care-taker along side with my little brother because my parents are very busy teachers at that time and yeah my school started on the afternoon so they didn't have time to send me to school..so I took a van..at that moment, I met some new friends and they all are very bad kids..whenever I was in the van, I learn some bad things and I like it and yeah I was a dumb kid too..I learned some various harsh words and some various harsh doing and sticking your middle finger to other people..At that time, I was a BAD Kid..

My schooldays were very fun and exciting..because I was the 'Big Gangster in the block' at that time and I rode with my very own gang..possessing that much power, I abused it by beating up little kids and say bad things to my teachers and even trying to steal some food in the canteen, which I succeed everytime..I was living in an unhealthy way at that time til I met this one beautiful girl..she's a new girl which she got transferred from the other class and eventually be studying in the same class as me..the moment I saw her, she smiled at me then I melted..my heart became soft again and at that time..I was a GOOD Kid..

As years go by..my primary school days ended up kinda Okay..My gang got disband because of one girl..then I tried to steal her heart but eventually I failed so I moved on..at least, she got me to a new life yeah..when I was in standard 6, I started to focus more on my studies and I made it to the second-best class in that school..plus, I got 5A's on my UPSR examination and I felt so freaking happy! I made my parents proud and I made my friends proud too..in the end, I got too cocky with my results because I've been offered to study to an Elite school for my secondary school studies..so I took the offer and started living there in a hostel..this is my first time living without my parents guiding me so eventually I ended up being too free and too wild..I ignored my studies and always thinking about having fun..hmm at that time I was a BAD Kid..

The Story of my Life | Secondary School

Name: Amir Aiman Bin Mohd Hashim Hasni Bin Abdul Malek Bin Hussein
Nickname: JAKE BLUR
School: SRK Sultan Ismail | SMEK Mak Lagam | SMK Sultan Ismail II

I got into this elite school and it was currently famous at that time because the school was very new and very beautiful..when I was in there, the school does not even had enough students yet..but what the hell, we just continue our schooldays like usual..everyday is the same..in the morning we woke up early to go to the surau for subuh prayers and then getting all geared up for school..then on the afternoon, we would head back to the surau again for asar prayers and then went to our own dormitory which it contained 8 people per room..life is boring for me at that time so I would do something to keep away from being bored..and mostly something bad at that time..I stole some things from my friend's locker and also I build up another gang to take control of the hostel life..but eventually it didnt worked out that well as they are other people who got their own gang..so we fought each other sometimes and this continues on until I was in my early form 3 year..that tragic year was the worse..I caused many trouble and did some very bad things..til that one very day..I was playing 'breakdancing' with my friends at the hall and we were having so much fun until I decided to make a backflip just to show off my friends coz I did it before but this time..I failed and misplaced my landing and banged so hard on the floor that my left elbow broke..the pain was unbearable and I cried coz I couldn't stand it..I was took to a 'tukang urut' near my house by my parents and I was treated there..at that time, I realized that I was receiving a punishment from God for all my wrong doings over the past and believe me, the massage was painful..I can't remember how many times I screamed..at that time, I realized how bad I was.. at that time, I decided to change myself..at that time..I was a GOOD Kid..

As time goes by, it took me almost 2 months for me to finally recover from my broken elbow and up until now I still can't move my left arm efficiently and it became more weaker than my right arm which was very weird..after 2 months sitting at home..I returned back to school to start my studies again..and at that time, I don't know anything. I was dumb and when I got back to school, all the people looked at me as I was a has-been student in the school..but I ignored them..I manage to catch up my studies and managed to recuperate again my focus towards what's important in my life..I started to once again read the Quran and memorize the Surah yasin whenever I had the chance going to the surau..I eventually make new friends and this time, my friends are very good people..they are geniuses in studies and very loyal when it comes to friendship..It was like I was living in heaven on earth at that time..finally the day of my PMR examination begins..I was fully prepared to ace this but in the end I got only 4 A's and 4 B's..but it was okay..it was okay for my family..but my sister won the bet though..she got 8 A's for her PMR and that was a family record til this day..some of my friends got higher results but I was in the lowest mark rank students but I was quite satisfied with it..I handled it with a smile til one day before the school holidays began..I got into a fight again for the very last time at that time it was reported to the school warden..I didn't remember why it happened but I'm sure it was something stupid..and it got me into a mess after that..I was brought to the school principle and finally I got kicked out from the school! I can't believe it! but what can I do? I had to find another school..my parents were furious and so am I at that time..God knows what I had to go through..in the end, I got in to a school where it brings back my past childhood memories again..in the past, I knew a girl that her father was a good friend to my father..and I've been waiting to meet her but don't know when I got the chance..til that very moment..I got the opportunity to finally meet her..but before that, I came to this school with such anger and disappointment about myself..I think I just embraced the Hate and started living my life alone from anybody else..at that time..I was a BAD Kid..

Friday, February 10, 2012

It just blew up in my face

Holy crap..I don't know what to say..

-The End-

Sunday, January 15, 2012

A word person..A true Power

By the look of the title says it all right..a word person..what do you know about word person?

For me, a word person is a person who can influence others to do what they wanted you to do..that depends on their intentions, whether it is a bad thing or a good thing..

Somehow, there's a side of me that I really wanted to be called 'A word person'..I don't know why but I really do..it's just that I have dreamed to achieve such skills like language skills for my own purpose of life..some for my business discussion and some for my relationship life..being a word person is very exciting..I just wish someday I could achieve such knowledge like that..til' then, I just have to keep studying and learning and practicing my language in my life..for the sake of my future and for the one that I cherished..

A word person..what more could you describe about it? I have a friend who possesses this power..and I envy him for that..still, I'm glad to have a friend like him so that I can learned one or two knowledge from him as well..In time, I'll be the one who possesses this amazing power too..my goal is to become a professional journalist or a successful columnist..I like writing and writing is what I will do in my life..I will never give up on my dream and soon I will achieve greatness..Believe is important..this is me, Jake Blur signing off for now..this is me, Jake Blur..The Cult of Personality..

"Those who can speak loudly are better than others who uses brute force to get what they wanted.." Benjamin Franklin